The Eating Disorder Voice

I’m a big proponent of Acceptance And Commitment Therapy (ACT). ACT is an offshoot of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) but for me is far superior to the original. 

One of the central ideas of ACT is that people struggle most with negative thoughts and feelings, not because of the thoughts and feelings per se, but because of the resistance to them. And the belief that to have an enjoyable life, we have to figure out how to have these negative states disappear.

But from ACT’s perspective, it’s this struggle to have these thoughts and feelings disappear that creates the most suffering. 

Because you spend your time focused on trying to change the thought, get rid of them, argue with them, push them away, debate whether they’re true or false, replace them with a more positive thought or distract yourself from them in any way you can.

ACT has six core therapeutic principles, all of which are in service of increasing psychological flexibility, by helping you to be more present, open up and do what matters. The six principles are:

1. Contact with the present moment – be here now
2. Acceptance – open up
3. Defusion – watch your thinking
4. Self-as-context – the noticing self
5. Values – know what matters
6. Committed action – do what it takes

Naming Your Story

Within ACT there are many different techniques and exercises. One of the techniques is called Naming The Story and is a defusion technique (although it is also part of acceptance). The way I describe it comes from Russ Harriss’ book The Happiness Trap.

The mind loves telling stories and does so constantly. It’s how you learn and is a huge strength in the right setting. But a lot of these stories are negative and don’t support you.

These stories can take many forms:

Judgments – about yourself, others, life, the world, your body, mind, behaviour, etc.

Time Traveling – about the past – e.g. painful memories or the future – e.g. worrying, predicting the worst

Reason Giving – about why you can’t or shouldn’t do the things that matter to you

Rules – about what you can, can’t, should or shouldn’t do; or how life, the world, and others should or shouldn’t be?

Rather than telling a story once and moving on, you tend to repeat the same stories over and over again, even if the words vary slightly.

The first step with the Naming The Story exercise is to identify your mind’s unhelpful thoughts.

For example, some common thoughts could be:

“I’m a loser”

“Nobody likes me”

“I’ll never recover”

“I can’t cope”

Sometimes there will be several variations that relate to the same idea. For example, the idea that “nobody likes me” may show up as “I’m boring,” “I never know what to say” or “I’m so socially awkward.”

So, once you’ve noticed the thought has arisen, you want to give it a name. For example:

The “I’m a loser” story

The “nobody likes me” story

The “I’ll never recover” story

The “I can’t cope” story

By doing this you are cataloguing this thought, that the mind has generated of its own accord, into a discrete category. You are reminding yourself that this is simply a thought or a story, nothing more.

“Ah yes, I recognise this. Here is the old “I can’t cope” story.”

Label It and Move On

Once you’ve acknowledged it, that’s it – just let it be. You don’t have to challenge it or push it away, nor do you have to give it more attention. Simply let it come and go as it pleases.

Maybe it helps to imagine the thoughts like clouds in the sky or leaves on a stream. You can notice them, but you aren’t trying to move the clouds into a specific shape or remove every leaf from the stream.

Instead, you let the thoughts be and channel your energy into doing something you value.

Now you may be asking, “well how do I know if this is a helpful thought?” One way is to ask yourself some questions like:

Does this thought help me to be the person I want to be?

Does this thought help me build the sorts of relationships I’d like?

Does this thought help me to connect with what I truly value?

Does this thought help me, in the long run, to create a rich, full, and meaningful life?

If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then it’s probably a helpful thought. And if not, it’s probably an unhelpful one.

The Healthy Self and The Eating Disorder Self 

It’s common with eating disorders to talk about the “eating disorder self” and the “healthy self.” To differentiate between those thoughts that are eating disorder orientated versus those that are more in alignment with your true healthy self. 

If we apply this ACT framework to this practice, thoughts that are labelled as the healthy self are recognised and categorised as being helpful. You entertain these thoughts and take action to follow through on them. 

For example, the healthy self recognises that you are hungry and so you go and have something to eat.

Or your healthy self recognises that it has been three hours since your last meal. Even though you don’t feel hungry, you know that your body needs energy, so you have something to eat. 

For thoughts that are labelled as the eating disorder self, you follow the process of Naming The Story. The thought gets labelled as a story, like “Ah, I recognise this thought, it’s the “I don’t deserve to eat” story.” Or “Oh right, this is the “My Eating Disorder Is My Boss” story.” You acknowledge it, catalogue it as such, and move on.

Because by cataloguing like this, you remind yourself that this isn’t meant to be an argument or a discussion with an equal, where you have to outline why you are right, which just further keeps the tug-of-war alive. You simply acknowledge it and move on.

Now, you may have read the word “simply” in the last sentence and thought, “Yeah right. In theory that sounds great, but you don’t understand how strong the eating disorder voice is. I can’t just stop listening to it, that’s impossible.” 

And you are right, this isn’t going to instantly work, like a switch that has been flicked. But with practice it does.

What Do You Imagine When You Think Of The Eating Disorder Voice? 

Something that can help with this ability to notice these thoughts while not being pushed around by them, is changing how you perceive the eating disorder voice. 

When clients talk about the eating disorder voice, it’s someone big and all-powerful. It’s like a dictator, aggressor, bully or terrorist, someone who is more powerful than they are; there is a power differential and they are the “weaker” one.

And because of this, they feel like they are at the mercy of the eating disorder’s directions.    

Which makes sense. When the thoughts that arise in one’s mind are imagined to belong to those of a dictator, it makes it more likely you will acquiesce, even if you know you want to be doing something different.

I recently came across some research looking at how the language and framing of the mind change our experience. It was in the book Resilience By Design, coauthored by past podcast guest Mike Weeks.

Researchers wanted to explore how the choice of gender for words influenced the perceptions of those objects. They created a list of 24 objects that had opposite genders in Spanish and German. They then asked the native speakers of those languages to describe these objects.

As an example, the word “bridge” is feminine in German and masculine in Spanish.

The words used to describe the bridge by German speakers were beautiful, elegant, fragile, pretty and slender. The words used by Spanish speakers to describe a bridge were big, dangerous, strong, sturdy and towering.

The gender of the word “bridge” was clearly impacting on how they thought about the object.

And the same is true of the eating disorder voice. If it is imagined as this all-powerful dictator, then its words are going to carry more weight than if it is imagined as something else.    

The Wizard Of Oz

When thinking about this idea, the film The Wizard Of Oz immediately came to mind. Considering the film came out over 80 years ago, I hopefully don’t have to worry about giving a spoiler alert. But if you haven’t seen the film and are worried about me ruining it, you can stop reading now.

When Dorothy first encounters the Wizard Of Oz he has a booming voice. There is fire shooting up out of jets on the floor. His face is this huge projection that is up high and towers over them, it’s green and menacing. The whole scene makes the wizard look omnipotent and terrifying.

But later on, the truth is discovered. The wizard is actually just a man hiding behind a curtain, putting on a performance. He’s pretending to be a wizard.

And there is a huge difference in how Dorothy reacts and responds to the wizard in these two scenes. Earlier in the film, she is scared and goes off and does what he asks her to do. Later in the film, when she sees the wizard for what he is, she stands up for herself and her friends. The fear has gone.

But despite this change in how she acts, the wizard in both scenes is still the same person. It’s just being perceived differently because a piece of curtain has been pulled back to reveal the true identity of the wizard.

Perceiving the eating disorder voice differently won’t instantly make the thoughts go away. These thoughts are generated by your mind, you are simply a witness to them. And as you start to make more changes that are in service of recovery, these thoughts will likely be occurring more frequently.

But if you can reimagine where these thoughts are coming from, it makes it a lot easier to see them as just thoughts. To categorise them as simply a story and not feel the need to argue or justify, or to feel powerless and follow the messages they contain.  

Want Help?

Recovery is more than just nutritional rehabilitation and eating more food. Understanding our mind and how this impacts our thoughts, beliefs and perceptions is crucial.

And rather than this simply being about navel-gazing, this increased awareness is then used in service of taking action. Because if no action is taken, nothing changes.

Whether you’re just starting your recovery or you’ve been making progress but know you need more support, I’d love to help. 

I’m a leading expert and advocate for full recovery. I’ve been working with clients for over 15 years and understand what needs to happen to recover.

I truly believe that you can reach a place where the eating disorder is a thing of the past and I want to help you get there. If you want to fully recover and drastically increase the quality of your life, I’d love to help.

Want to get a FREE online course created specifically for those wanting full recovery? Discover the first 5 steps to take in your eating disorder recovery. This course shows you how to take action and the exact step-by-step process. To get instant access, click the button below.