Episode 161: In this episode, I chat with my former client Lauri about her history with disordered eating and body image, her PCOS diagnosis, and what it was like working together.
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Chris Sandel: Welcome to Episode 161 of Real Health Radio. You can find the show notes and links talked about as part of this episode at www.seven-health.com/161.
Welcome to Real Health Radio, health advice that’s more than just about how you look. And here’s your host, Chris Sandel.
Chris Sandel: Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of Real Health Radio. So last week, I launched a new website. And while it initially seemed like things were fine, there was an issue with it syncing the podcast. So it meant that last week’s episode of the podcast was massively delayed with going out. It only went out like a couple of days ago. And there’s been a period where the whole podcast seemed to disappear. So the joys of technology and doing a new website.
This mostly seems to be fixed. I think there’s still some teething issues with descriptions on some of the episodes, which are now being dealt with. It means that the transcript that I mentioned previously that were going to start happening with the new episode, that hasn’t happened at this stage, because there’s just other things that we were trying to fix. But these are coming.
I should also mention the podcast is now also on Spotify. So this was actually set up, I think a couple of weeks ago, or a month ago, but I just never mentioned it. But if you use Spotify to listen to music, the podcast is now there. So that is it on the housekeeping front. Let’s get on with today’s show.
So a couple of times a year, coinciding with me taking on clients, I release episodes of the show where I interview past clients. And I get lots of nice feedback about these episodes. It’s nice to hear, or what I hear is it’s nice to hear from real people that I worked with, that it’s great to be able to listen to what’s possible in terms of making changes and seeing improvements. Past clients stories can be inspiring, they can be a bit of a reality check when someone hears themselves in that person’s story. But mostly, people just seem to appreciate the realness or the openness of these conversations.
So that’s what today’s show is about. And as part of this, I’m chatting with Lauri. So Lauri is someone who I only finished working with fairly recently. It was a couple of months ago back in the May time. And as you hear her talk about she was someone who came to me because her period had stopped and she had been diagnosed with hypothalamic amenorrhea. While her work has finished, she’s still continuing to work on things. But she has a handle on what she needs to be doing, and how to listen to her body. And it’s now just a matter of time so that that further healing can continue to happen.
I actually got to meet up with Lauri a couple of weeks ago. We met up and had some breakfast, which was lovely. Most of my clients these days live in different countries and different parts of the world. But if a client is nearby, I’ll always try and see them in person at some point where we can meet up for a drink or a meal or a coffee or something along those lines. And as it turned out, Lauri’s parents live about 10 minutes drive from my place. So we caught we up when she was down visiting her folks.
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Chris Sandel: I’m currently taking on new clients. If you hear parts of yourself in Lauri’s words, in her experiences, in the symptoms that she had going on, then I’d love to have a chat and see if we could change this. As you’ll hear, Lauri’s life is now completely different compared to when we started together. So if you are interested in working together, or simply finding out more, you can head over to www.seven-health.com/help. And there you can read about how I work with clients. And you can then apply for the free initial chat. So the address again is www.seven-health.com/help. And I’ll put a link to that as well in the show notes. So with that intro out of the way, let’s get on with today’s show. Here’s my conversation with my past client, Lauri.
Hey, Lauri, thanks for joining me on the call today.
Lauri Arnstein: Hey, Chris, thanks for having me.
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Chris Sandel: So why don’t you just start off by explaining a little bit about your background and why you first got in contact with me.
Lauri Arnstein: Sure. So I guess in a nutshell the reason I kind of came to you was disordered eating and overtraining, which basically lets me losing my period. And obviously, there’s a lot of history behind that. I mean, I was on birth control for about 10 years so I don’t really know when it happened. So obviously, as you know, the period that you have on the pill isn’t a real period. And so I kind of came off the pill about two years ago, and my period didn’t come back. And I really just had no idea what was going on. But looking back on it, it’s all pretty clear and to me sort of how it happened.
So I mean, I guess, kind of growing up, I didn’t really have much of an interest in exercise or healthy eating. And that all kind of changed when I was a teenager and I kind of went a bit from kind of zero to hero with it, I sort of suddenly developed kind of more of an interest in healthy eating. And I guess I use healthy in kind of quotation marks because it was a very conventional view of what was “healthy”. You know, I kind of was vegetarian for a bit, kind of started kind of looking into that a bit more.
And so I kind of over the years started eating increasingly what you might call clean. And obviously, that was becoming more and more popular over the last, you know, 5, 10 years. And so I gradually kind of went down that track. I had kind of an increasing list of foods which I got a bit afraid of eating. I actually cut out gluten for about four years. And that was something which kind of initially was really helpful for me, but then kind of lost its effect if I carried on with it.
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And kind of on the exercise side, I started running when I was in my mid-teens. And I think when I first started doing it, it was a completely kind of healthy thing to do, I’d gone from not really doing anything to kind of starting to do a bit of running. And I sort of gradually built it up over the years and started to combine it with other forms of exercise too.
So I kind of eventually reached a point where I was doing quite a lot of mileage of running a week. But I was obviously adding in other things like can swimming and cycling. So I did a bit of triathlon. I would cycle everywhere. So I wouldn’t get public transport, I would always use my bike. And I didn’t really consider that to be a separate form of exercise, it was just kind of something I did and then exercise on top of that.
I started doing yoga, which like in many ways has been really helpful for me in terms of helping me try and balance, but I also kind of back then would do a lot of and kind of quite intense or Bikram hot style yoga, which I don’t think was particularly helpful, looking back. And also studio classes too. So I had like a class membership, kind of a ClassPass style model, which obviously encourages you to do more and more, and kind of make the most of it. So that was obviously something for me, which wasn’t very helpful at the time.
And I think over that time, from my sort of mid-teens, I gradually lost weight. And I think for me kind of stress and using of exercise and food as a kind of way of dealing with it, sort of gradually kind of increased during that time and I did reach a very low weight and kind of combined with some stressful times in my life. And that just became a new normal for me. And that was just the baseline that I was working from.
So I think, yeah, it’s a lot of different factors which came together to sort of kept me in that place. And I guess I first contacted you because I had realized what was going on. And so I spent about a year trying to basically find that while I wasn’t having a period, it took me about a year to get a diagnosis of HA. So Hypothalamic Amenorrhea, which I know you’ve had guests on your podcast before talking about that in a little more detail. But really just when everything shuts down because your hormones have been suppressed.
And I kind of was advised to cut back my mileage a bit, maybe try and eat a bit more fat. And I made a few small changes over a few months, but nothing happened, just nothing changed. And then about nine months ago, I found a book called No Period. Now What, which is written by Nicola Rinaldi. She’s based in the US and she’s really a kind of a world expert in HA, and it’s really the only sort of evidence-based book out there. And so I actually just started reading it. I read it all in one day because I just felt like I was reading about myself…
Chris Sandel: Which is a big task because it is not a short book.
Lauri Arnstein: Yeah, I was just racing through it, just thinking that I need to read this, I need to get the information. And I basically decided the next day that I was going to stop exercising. And so I went cold turkey with that, actually the next day. And gradually in the next few weeks, I started trying to increase my food intake. And I started gaining weight actually quite quickly. And it all just became a bit too much in about six weeks kind of after I’d started.
So Nicola calls the process “all in.” And so I thought I was all in. But actually looking back on it, I wasn’t there yet. And I actually had sort of hit a bit of a wall in terms of what I needed to do next and actually, the amount I needed to be eating and the amount I actually needed to do work on my body image and my kind of attitudes towards exercise and what I was actually using it for.
And so I actually then decided that I just needed a bit of extra help. And so I’d actually already started listening to your podcast. It was kind of recommended by someone who’s in Nicola’s support group, and I realized you’re taking on new clients. And so I got in touch and we started working together.
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Chris Sandel: And so just a couple of questions for a bit more background, in terms of kicking all this off, am I right in remembering that you had a diagnosis like when you were in your teens, like for PCOS? Is that correct?
Lauri Arnstein: Yeah, that’s right. So I always had irregular periods back then. I know obviously, for teenagers that can be normal. And at the time it had been suggested that I could have PCOS. And so that actually was a massive trigger for me at that point to start thinking that I needed to eat really healthy, I needed to start exercising, and I needed to control my weight. Because obviously, the kind of main advice that you get is that you have a high risk of developing diabetes, high risk of cardiovascular problems, and fertility problems later. So you really have to cut back your carbs, and limit your sugar and basically live a different lifestyle. And that actually really scared me back then, because I didn’t really have any knowledge about, you know, the nuances of it. And the way it’s diagnosed, actually looking back on it now, I wouldn’t have diagnosed myself with it. But back then, you know, I don’t really know anything, and it just scared me. So that was a big trigger for me sort of making or starting to make these behavioral changes that then led me down the road.
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Chris Sandel: Yeah. And then the other piece as well is that you have a medical background. So how was this taught or not taught or what did you know, through going through medical school about this stuff?
Lauri Arnstein: So the answer is not much. And I mean, obviously, there’s like a massive amount of information you have to learn in medical school and you have a little limited amount of time to do. And so it’s kind of, in some ways, not surprising, but I think the part about it, which, you know, looking back, meant that I didn’t have the right knowledge is it’s a very, I guess, a weight centric process. I don’t know you kind of in other countries, but I trained in the UK, trained as a doctor. And you’re really just taught that excess weight is a health risk. And you’re talked to about obesity as being a disease and being the cause of so many other problems. And actually, you don’t have to use BMI as a measure of health, which is not obviously something that I would think to do, not anymore.
And you learn more about the way that hormones work and the way that the menstrual cycle works, you don’t really learn much about when it goes wrong outside the sort of, in the main brackets or things like PCOS and areas like that.
And so I really heard of missing periods as being for someone who has a very severe eating disorder, and have all kinds of extremely low weight or you know, in the context of a female athlete had to be someone who was training at like an Olympian athlete level, you don’t really think it can just actually happen to anyone. So regardless of their basic weight or regardless of how much they’re doing, or what they are eating. So I think I didn’t really learn anything about the nuance of it. And I definitely, you know, thought I was coming at my lifestyle from a place of like a healthy choice, rather than something that was going to damage me.
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Chris Sandel: And when you started seeing various doctors, I mean, you mentioned about people saying, okay, maybe pull down your mileage a little bit or maybe increase your fat a little bit. But was there anyone saying to you, I think this is in direct relation to how you’re living your life and the way that you are sort of exercising and eating apart from those little tweaks?
Lauri Arnstein: No, not really, I mean, no one asked about actually, you know, exactly how much I was doing or exactly what I was eating. They would ask, generally, you know, what’s your weekly mileage but not really…I also found it difficult to actually discuss it honestly, in a way because I sort of knew by that point I was doing too much and I knew it wasn’t really working for me. But it’s quite difficult to sort of admit that you’re wrong in a way.
Chris Sandel: Yeah. And did you come to that realization that you were doing too much and it wasn’t working for you only at the point at which you’d come off the pill and your period hadn’t come back? Or you’d known for a while, like before then?
Lauri Arnstein: Yeah. I waited for about six months, just like waiting for it to come back. So I was told that it can take six months, which in retrospect, I don’t think that’s necessarily the amount of time people should wait. You know, I think they should get into some advice sooner than that, that it was really, yeah, after about six months of that, that kind of thought started to creep in.
I remember having a chat with a friend around that time and just saying, like, “I think something’s wrong, like I think I need… I think I’m doing too much.” But I didn’t know what to do about that.
And so that was probably, again, another six months before I actually did make the full commitment. There were definitely doubts creeping in because I wasn’t really…Sort of my performance wasn’t improving. So I would train a lot, but actually, I wasn’t getting fitter. And, you know, I would be signing up for races and be racing with another friend, and he would be like, “You should be faster, you know, do the amount of training, you should be faster?” And I’m like, “Well, you know, I didn’t really have any gas in the tank it required,” and I could sort of see that it wasn’t really helping my fitness. It was quite something that’s really hard to let go. So it took me a while to make that decision.
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Chris Sandel: Yeah. And so when you opened up to that friend, did they like say, “Oh, yeah, I think this is an issue?” And what about other people in your life? Were other people raising red flags and saying, hang on, I think something needs to be done about this?
Lauri Arnstein: Yeah, like, it’s quite interesting, actually, because a lot of people have said…Because obviously, I was quite open about starting recovery. And then like, I had amazing support from my friends and family. And a lot of people actually said, we were really worried about you for quite a long time, but didn’t really either wasn’t really listening, or they didn’t say, because obviously, you may have to respect people’s choices.
But you know, I’ve had a lot of people say, “Oh, we were really worried about your weight and the way you looked or, you know, worried about the amount that you doing”, but I didn’t really hear it at the time. Yeah, and I haven’t had any sort of negative feedback about it. Everyone’s been sort of really, you know, supportive and felt like it was needed.
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Chris Sandel: Okay. And you mentioned about your race times, they weren’t getting better, all the amount of training you’re doing just didn’t feel like it was resulting in you getting fitter. So what other symptoms were going on? I mean, obviously, you mentioned you weren’t getting your period, but what else was going on for you, because of the way that you were eating and training?
Lauri Arnstein: Yeah, I guess, looking back, it probably was related. And so I guess a big thing going on for me was a little GI issue. And that was something which I struggled with for quite a long time. And I’d sort of gone a bit down the classic path of thinking that cutting foods out would help to find the culprit and make it better, which I know is a thing a lot of people go through, particularly in the culture that we live in today.
But that was something which would go up and down. And I was very…I guess I just didn’t really consider that it could be related to restriction or overtraining, that just wasn’t really something that I’d heard about. And I was tending to get injured with training, and which I hadn’t really been doing before. So I had like a rotator cuff injury, and kind of various, like, aches and pains. And I think that was just something to do with not having any repair time.
I had problems with sleep as well. So I would tend to wake up quite frequently during the night, and I sort of had a period kind of in my early 20s, where I’d wake up like every night to eat because I was so hungry, which obviously looking back that’s not something that people do. And I kind of was just feeling quite low in terms of, you know, my level of resilience with general life and stress, I think would affect me more easily, and things would be more difficult to deal with on a general level, particularly because, you know, I wasn’t feeling myself and sort of everything was just going to get to me a bit more. Yeah, if that makes sense.
Chris Sandel: Yeah.
Lauri Arnstein: So yeah, that’s a lot, like a missing period of the various or concrete sign. And that’s kind of a lot of general stuff, which like, looking back now, I think was related.
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Chris Sandel: And so you mentioned about finding Nicola’s book, you starting to eat more and cut out the exercise and then sort of bumping up against that wall, and then you got in contact with me. So was there hesitancy in getting in contact? Like, how are you thinking about the potential process of working together?
Lauri Arnstein: Yes, I guess, I didn’t really have any hesitancy at all, I was already really committed to the idea that I had to recover. And I was also pretty scared of the health consequences. So I think around that time, I’d also had my bone density checked, and I’d actually lost quite a lot of bone density over the time when I hadn’t been having a period, so that had really scared me. So I think I was already completely committed. And I just needed a bit of support with actually executing my plan. If that makes sense?
Chris Sandel: Yeah.
Lauri Arnstein: Because I guess, another thing to mention is I am a massive perfectionist, which won’t surprise anyone who knows me. And I guess I kind of brought that element into my recovery. So if I was going to recover, I wanted to do it right. And that’s the exact quality which got me into that mess to help me get out again.
And I guess as well, I hadn’t really thought at all about the more psychological elements of recovery, so things like body image, fear of weight gain, all of that, and I think I knew that I needed help with that and so there weren’t really any barriers to me seeking help by then.
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Chris Sandel: Okay, and so what did the process of us working together look like? How did it feel for you? What did you experience?
Lauri Arnstein: So yes, I guess then, the process, we had an initial chat, and just to check that things are sort of right on both sides, and then I had a lot of questionnaires and paperwork to fill in, which made me think quite hard, actually, about what has been going on over the past few years. There’s also a lot of stuff in there about my goals and actually what I wanted recovery to look like and what my values around it were, which actually was quite challenging for me because I thought about it in a very physical way. So you know I want to improve my health, that’s what I want, but actually, I could see from the beginning that there was going to be other elements to it.
And we then went on to have a call every couple of weeks or so. And in the time between calls, and I keep the food log, just kind of with everything that I’d eaten and everything I’ve done activity-wise, and symptoms, and sleep and things like that. And I mean, I kind of struggled a bit with the feedback because I had to take photos of my food, which makes me feel really awkward. It was a helpful exercise.
Chris Sandel: Yeah. And I do want to just interject and say I don’t always ask clients to take photos of food. But in this case, it felt like it would be helpful. And from my perspective, it was and I think from your perspective, in the end, it was helpful.
Lauri Arnstein: Yeah, because my portion sizes were tiny. And so I think it was important for you to see that. And in between calls, you’d still send me writing exercises, which I really enjoyed doing, actually. And then we discuss them. And you also would send me recommendations for books or articles or podcasts which I’d also enjoy looking at and then we would chat about them too.
And so I think there was lots of different elements to working together. And I think for me, it worked really well because I kind of liked having something to keep me on track. And something to basically give me tools to help me in the times when we weren’t having direct contact. So I think it was quite well rounded. And just, yeah, it worked so well for me.
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Chris Sandel: Yeah, perfect. So talk about the improvements in your health that you’ve noticed since us working together.
Lauri Arnstein: Yes, I mean, things are completely different. So I guess the first thing to mention is that my period came back. And so that took about five months of being “all in.” And so that includes the couple of months which I spent trying to do it myself, and the gaining bit of weight but not really getting anywhere, and then about three months of us working together.
And so we really kind of really bumped up my food, like really expanded the range. So I think that was the key to it. And so yeah, that came back in February, which is obviously like a massive achievement for me.
And I would say my sleep is generally better. I don’t tend to wake up during the night feeling hungry or eating and having that same kind of pattern. And I would say I feel like I think more clearly now, and it sounds a bit strange, but I feel like I’m a bit more resilient and have a bit more energy. I’m able to sort of commit and be more present generally and work on my social life, which has been really good. And overall, I think, like the GI issues that I had have improved. Obviously, it goes up and down, but I think overall, and really sort of putting all the foods that I cut out back was helpful for that. And that’s something which I would sort of recommend to anyone.
Chris Sandel: So you no longer have an issue with gluten?
Lauri Arnstein: No, no, like that was the really scary one for me to put back in. I heard it talked about on your podcast, but other places too, where you have this cycle where you initially make a dietary change and it feels like it’s working really well, and it’s amazing, and you tell everyone about it, and then it starts to wear off or just kind of…It’s just, you know, kind of like the honeymoon phase, and then it starts to not really work anymore, but then it’s actually too scary to put it back because you’re like, “Well, you know, I started this maybe I’m just not doing it perfectly enough and maybe that’s why it’s wrong.”
And yeah, no, I have no problem with that now, but that was definitely probably the scariest thing to put back. But yeah, now it’s fine, and I think, yeah, it’s obviously a challenge to sort of work out what’s going on with these things. But I think in general restriction is a really big problem, and most people try and address it with further restriction, which is obviously quite something that worries me now.
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Chris Sandel: Yeah. And in terms of just with your periods, you said that came back within three months. And then it’s been consistent, or what’s been happening with that since it first came back?
Lauri Arnstein: Yeah, so my cycles have been quite long, but they have been sort of consistently long if that makes sense. So I’m just watching and just seeing what happens over time. And I guess, in terms of Nicola’s recommendations, she recommends that you have three periods before you think about making any lifestyle changes at all. So adding back any exercise or changing what you’re eating. So that was actually quite hard to like wait for and to get to that point. And so I did do that. And then I gradually started…I kind of added in like a tiny bit of running like a 10 minutes a week. And an extra yoga class, doing two or three instead of one.
And so that was something which you do. And then you’re meant to basically track your cycles and work out how any changes might be affecting them. So I actually found a few weeks ago I didn’t ovulate when I was meant to. So I had actually stepped up my running a little bit. So I’d basically start running for another week, and then it came. So I think it is very early days, and I heard a lot of the similar stuff from other women to that, you know, they try to make changes too early, and then things go wrong, and they have to kind of basically cut everything back to being “all in.” So I think it is sort of something that is a very delicate balance. And you know, I’m never going to be able to get back to what I was doing before. But hopefully, I’ll be able to gradually make a few changes and just feel a bit more well and fit and just like a normal level of activity would be really nice.
Chris Sandel: Yeah. And I want to just echo what you said there is I think with time, you get to a place where you can be exercising more again, it is about rebuilding that baseline, and it’s a lot more difficult to get a period back than it is to actually keep a period. And so I think once you have them build up that foundation, and the body is continuing to be in a better place, then yeah, you can increase the exercise and it’s not having a detrimental effect on the body. But being able to use that as a marker where you can pay attention and be like, “Oh, okay, I’m starting to do a bit too much again,” I think is a really good thing, and can help to keep things in check.
Lauri Arnstein: Yeah, and it’s also like insane that that’s something we don’t learn about at all. So I had to wait until I was 30 on how to track your menstrual cycle, like it’s something you just don’t think is important or get taught. And I think it’s generally something that should be taught in school, you know, a girl should learn it because it’s just not something that we talk about. It is really important.
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Chris Sandel: And so what about the body image side of things? So you made reference to the fact that that was work you realize you were going to have to do. So yeah, how did you find working on that stuff? What has changed for you in that area?
Lauri Arnstein: Yeah, and so I guess I would say it’s definitely a journey. And the initial weight gain I had happened really quickly, and it was really scary. So like, you know, within a matter of weeks, none of my clothes didn’t fit anymore. And then after that initial phase, I felt like I would gain for a bit and then I would plateau. And then we would bump up my food. And I would be scared that I would have to gain more but then I’d get used to it. It’s kind of like a gradual process. And I think my weight kind of stabilized when I had my first recovery period. And then I weighed myself then. And I actually don’t weigh myself anymore, and I probably never will. And I think that’s been really helpful in terms of trying to decouple your sense of value from your weight. I think that’s one of the keys to it.
And I’d say, I kind of obviously still have some days where I do feel great. But I’d say in general these days are relatively few and far between. And I am just kind of, for the first few months, it felt like I was wearing a fat suit all the time, and it was kind of horrifying. But I got used to it. And then now it’s just, this is my body now, and this is fine.
And it’s kind of just about continuing to do that work. And just working out what kind of can be quite triggering, say, for example, I find me like going shopping, and having to buy a larger size than I’m used to, or in a change and like a changing room and the lighting is horrible like that, for me, always makes me feel bad. So I just want to, you know, kind of work out well, for you going to be helpful.
I sort of tried to focus quite a lot on actually how my body was feeling rather than how how it looks. And sort of replacing my clothes was like a really big part of that sort of making that a priority and not, you know, trying to sort of sold anything, which was obviously never gonna happen again. And I’m really just kind of, yeah, just thinking about, like, what your body can do for you how it feels, rather than kind of placing any value on on how it looks.
And I think sort of like learning to do a bit more self care than I was doing, all of that kind of stuff is, I think, really pretty helpful for that. So I’d say like, in general, I’m pretty neutral about it, I don’t kind of often have a day where I’m like, I look amazing, it’s the best thing ever, but it’s kind of a real, pretty neutral, and it’s fine. But if someone had told me before I started recovery, that I would be to gain X amount of weight, that would have been bad and I wouldn’t be able to do it. It’s just kind of getting used to it as a journey. And then it’s fine.
Chris Sandel: And in terms of body image now versus before, would you describe yourself as having good body image or being comfortable in your own body or skin before you started this journey?
Lauri Arnstein: I would say it wasn’t something I ever thought about, which is kind of weird, because obviously, you know, I was kind of quite used to keeping my weight low, but not in a way of like, oh, I have to look a certain way it was more just kind of that was the way that I looked. And, and any weight gain, which being uncomfortable just was my case was a tiny and you know, that was just the way I was used to looking.
I kind of never really used like Instagram or kind of social media like that, so I never really had that kind of kind of imagery coming in to my head, it was more just kind of that was how I looked. And I felt like relatively confident because I didn’t have any fat so I could wear a bikini and that’s fine. And so it was more just kind of like dealing with the change of it rather than kind of coming from a place with poor body image, and then having to work on it as like a bit of a weird one.
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Chris Sandel: Okay. And what about from the food side of things? And I know you’ve touched on this, but is there anything extra that you want to add in terms of what your eating is like now versus what it used to be like?
Lauri Arnstein: Yeah, so I guess I would say that it has changed beyond recognition. And I guess it’s almost like probably a more obvious change than the exercise because the exercise is kind of a lack of something, whereas with the food, it’s just changed so much. So I mean, I would say before I developed some pretty orthorexic patterns, and I had quite a limited range of foods that I felt comfortable eating. And I was also just really under-fueling for what I was expecting my body to do.
So I guess the main thing I’ve realized is that I actually need like a really big amount of food, quite often it’s more than people around me. So that’s something that’s been quite, quite interesting to get used to in the fact that I can eat a lot and my weight is stable. And it’s, you know, I can sort of eat things which other people might consider to be unhealthy, but I know that for me now, like I need it for my recovery.
And I guess it’s kind of the feeling that all foods are available, like I do have permission to eat. Obviously, you know, you sort of have days when the old sort of thoughts come back and it’s a bit more difficult. But I would say like, in general, it’s just like feeling like you’re a normal eater, and you can just go out and just order things. Yeah, it’s just like feeling like, you don’t have to make a fuss about food anymore, you can just eat what’s available. Even if you feel uncomfortable, you can just pretend it’s fine and just get into it, which I’ve actually quite enjoyed.
And I guess as well, like another sort of big part of it was thinking about hunger cues and kind of how my own cues were, because I pretty much lost them. And sort of how to sort of get these back. And also thinking about outward things that would affect my hunger cues. So like, for me, personally, I get stressed, I just lose all my appetite, which is obviously not a good thing. And it’s something which you need to kind of tap into, like other sort of non-stomach related hunger cues to be able to think, Oh, I’m actually feeling a bit more anxious, I need to eat some food. That’s probably what’s going on.
And so I think it… Yeah, it has completely changed. And beyond recognition, there’s obviously still kind of work to do. But in general, I would say things are just on a much, much better track than they were.
Chris Sandel: Yeah. And it was an email that you sent and you put in, I don’t know, it was a throwaway line, but you’d said that you got wedding invites for this year, and it was nice to be able to put down like no food issues, or whatever the question is on invitations. Like do you have any allergies or…? Yeah, so that was nice.
Lauri Arnstein: Yeah, like it sounds so basic. But I think just to feel like…Because I actually used to feel quite embarrassed about you know, being like gluten-free, like is there anything I can eat? And, you know, can I eat, because you know I had this already today? I used to feel embarrassed. I didn’t feel like it was something which I wanted people to really know about or judge me for, it was just something that was happening internally, and everyone was really understanding, but I just used to hate it. To be able to just be like, “No, I can have whatever,” is really nice now.
Chris Sandel: Yeah.
Lauri Arnstein: And I guess…I’m sorry,
Chris Sandel: No, you go on.
Lauri Arnstein: I was going to say like one of the things that was really helpful for me, maybe it’s because you know, I’m a bit of a science geek, but it was really learning about kind of the background to food demonization and how it’s happened and how we kind of got where we are in our culture. And kind of actually, it’s not scientific, and a lot of the time, it’s kind of a very kind of specific medical diet, that’s been co-opted for the general population to actually, it doesn’t bring health benefits, it’s just not sensible and it’s something that can actually damage you. So it’s, for me, kind of finding a bit more about the actual evidence for these things, was really helpful in terms of changing my beliefs.
00:38:30
Chris Sandel: And has that then had a knock-on effect in terms of your work and how you think about certain things that come up as part of that?
Lauri Arnstein: Yeah, definitely. So I mean, for me, a big part of recovery was trying to immerse myself in a sort of weight-neutral thing and health at every size, which I never ever heard of before. And sort of learning a bit more about different ways of viewing things. And I think, yeah, it has really affected the way I view things generally and the way that things are structured in society. And just, I think it’s maybe a little less judgmental as well, in terms of people’s own health and exercise and all that kind of thing. I think it’s been quite a good journey from that perspective.
00:39:30
Chris Sandel: Okay, so is there anything else you want to mention just that has shifted in your life, like anything we haven’t touched on?
Lauri Arnstein: I guess, kind of overall, I’d like to think that I’m just nicer to be around now that I don’t have the self-imposed restrictions. So I would find it difficult to commit fully to social events because I’d be up and training the next morning, or I’d be really hungry all the time. And now I find it super annoying if someone else is hungry. So I’m like, I was like that all the time. Apologies to everyone.
So I guess, I do feel like I am in general, a bit more present, able to commit to things and sort of been able to connect generally with what’s going on. And without constantly thinking about like, oh, when am I planning to train or how am I going to manage to make all my tupperwares of food to carry around with me all day, or you know…Kind of stuff like that. It takes up a lot of time and space in your head, and when it’s gone there’s space for other things instead.
And I guess it’s allowed me to start thinking about the next stage of my life or like what I want to do now that I’m not having to just focus completely on either before, being in maintaining my restrictions, or now recovering, which actually has taken up basically the past year for me, and taken up a lot of time and headspace. Yeah, being able to, you know, think about what I want to do next, instead of just sort of trying to undo the damage that I’ve done. So it’s sort of a nice position to be in.
00:41:15
Chris Sandel: Yeah. And in terms of coping skills, is that something that’s changed over this as well?
Lauri Arnstein: Oh, massively. I kind of worked out, because obviously, you know, it doesn’t take a genius, but I was using exercise and restrictions as a way to kind of to cope with stress. And obviously, I kind of had stressful jobs in the past, that kind of thing. And when there’s nothing else that you can control, it’s very easy to kind of look at what’s around you, and your food and exercise as being something which you can control or also using the endorphin hit that you get from exercise as being like a way to kind of relieve stress. A lot of the time, I was like, “I need to do this, because it’s relieving my stress actually.”
I now think of it as your body can only take a certain level of stress and actually, exercise is a form of stress that your body doesn’t know that you’re doing it to help it. It perceives stress if you’ve already got too much else going on. So I guess being able to change my perspective a bit more, and just try and find some other coping mechanisms. And when we were working together, I started using a mindfulness app, which was really, really helpful, and I still use that a bit now and particularly helping me get sleep, it’s really good. And just other new things like a bit of yin yoga, and journaling, all that kind of stuff, which I know they’re old chestnuts for recovery, but they are really effective, and that’s something that I sort of continued to do, even after we finish working together.
00:43:00
Chris Sandel: Yeah. So the final thing I wanted to ask is like part of the reason I’m doing this is because I’m taking on new clients, what would you say to someone who is struggling with what you were dealing with before we started to work together? And this doesn’t have to be like, go work with Chris or gushing praise or anything along those lines. But like, what advice would you have for someone?
Lauri Arnstein: So I guess the main thing I would say is just don’t wait. And like if you think that something’s wrong, something is probably wrong. And actually, you know, if you’re wondering whether it’s worth the time or worth the money, you are definitely worth the investment. And I’ve seen it written in a lot of places in terms of eating disorders that you’re “sick enough.” And actually, everyone who thinks they might have some kind of struggles in the area that you’re sick enough and you deserve to get help.
And I guess the other thing I’d add is that there isn’t any weakness in asking for help. Because obviously something to me, as like a perfectionist, it’s been quite difficult to admit that I’ve done things that weren’t ideal and knew I need to get help with them. But I would say that it isn’t a sign of weakness, like it’s something which, you know, you need to look after yourself, and you need to get support.
And I guess anyone who is missing a period, I would kind of add to that to get No Period. Now What?, and read it and just kind of see whether it resonates with you. I think for me, that was a big turning point. Because it’s not just about your physical health. It’s about everything that goes along with it and your entire lifestyle. And actually, that is a really big thing to change. And it’s okay if you need help with that.
Chris Sandel: Yeah, definitely. And I really love Nicola’s book. So most of the time now, when clients come and see me with issues like you have, they’ve already read it. But if they haven’t, then it is kind of the first thing that I recommend just because it is so detailed, it does cover so many bases. And yeah, just give someone a good idea of what is going to be needed as part of that recovery process.
Lauri Arnstein: For sure. Yeah, totally agree.
Chris Sandel: Well, Lauri, thank you so much for taking the time to chat with me today for being really honest about your situation and where you’ve got to now. Yeah, I’ve loved working with you. And yeah, thanks for coming on.
Lauri Arnstein: No worries at all. Thanks so much for your time.
Chris Sandel: So I hope you got something out of that conversation. I hope it demonstrated the many areas I work on with clients and also the long term changes that can be achievable or even the short term changes that can be achievable.
As I mentioned at the top of the show, I’m now taking on clients. If you’re interested in working together or just finding out more about that process, you can head over to www.seven-health.com/help. And that’s it for this week’s show. I’ll be back next week with a new episode. Enjoy your week and I will catch you then.
Thanks for listening to Real Health Radio. If you are interested in more details, you can find them at the Seven Health website. That’s www.seven-health.com.
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