I have a detailed form that clients need to fill out before we start together, it spans 28 pages. Some parts are standard questions for an intake form, asking about someone’s past and current medical history.

But much of it delves deeper than this.

We’re going to be working together over the next five months and this form can start to paint a picture of who they are and their life up until this point. I can begin to know the individual as a human being.

One of the questions on the form asks:

“Describe your perfect day. Where are you? What do you do? Who do you do it with?”

Take a moment. What would you say?

What’s fascinating about the answers I received to this question over the many years I’ve been asking it is the simplicity of days that are described.

People don’t talk about hiring a private jet and flying to some tropical island. They don’t mention going to some Michelin star restaurant. They aren’t describing going on a spending spree at some designer clothes place.

What people mostly talk about is hanging out with family and friends. Having a relaxing day around the house or going to the beach and just taking it easy. It often involves some nice food and some wine, but typically it’s made at home or some holiday place they’ve gone to before.

It’s the simple pleasures that people are most drawn towards.

I’m bringing this up because it highlights some important points that are worth remembering.

Aesthetics are never mentioned

The first is that never in people’s descriptions is there a weight focus. They don’t talk about “waking up and I’m size 6 when I’m normally a size 16”.

Their perfect day is spent with people who accept them for who they are. Where they can be relaxed and not have to keep up a façade. They are with people who provide them with unconditional love, not love on the condition they look a certain way or weigh a certain amount.

It’s within their grasp

The second is that people’s perfect day is something that is completely doable and realistic.

People aren’t talking about renting out Richard Branson’s Necker Island, which costs £40,000 a night and is clearly out of reach for all but the exceptionally wealthy.

They are experiencing their perfect day at home or some holiday destination they’ve been before and can go to again.

For most of the people, the response that they put for their perfect day, is actually something that they could do every weekend. Yes, life gets busy and we have so many things we “should” be doing, but this doesn’t change how doable this perfect day really is.

With some forethought, learning to put themselves first and saying no more often, they could experience this joy more regularly.

Awareness and Appreciation

The third point is around being present. When someone is experiencing the many the facets of their perfect day, how much are they in the moment and actually appreciating it?

Because many of the components of someone’s perfect day involves activities that they already do. They are getting to eat with their family, they are getting to go for a walk, they are getting to watch a movie on the sofa.

But when they are doing these activities, even if not all of them are happening together on one day, are they appreciating these moments?

What I see happening is that people’s lives include these activities or moments that are meant to bring them happiness, but that they’re too distracted to appreciate them while they’re happening.

The difference between being happy or sad (or even just indifferent) isn’t so much the circumstance, but the thought pattern during the situation.

People can be having the experiences that on paper should be creating happiness but they’re lost in thoughts and worries and so miss out of the potential benefit.

Creating Habits And Being In The Moment

The good news to all this is that happiness (or joy or whatever word works best for you) is something that can be experienced regularly with some simple changes.

A lot of the work I do with clients is helping them to create new habits. And these new habits can be the items that appear in their perfect day scenario.

We also talk a lot about mindfulness and being present. It’s why I recommend meditation and journaling to basically all clients, because of how powerful these tools can be. So that when they start to include activities that on paper brings them joy, this translates to reality because they are present and in the moment.

Keep It Simple

It’s too easy to get lost in the clouds about how amazing it would be to have some big life change, like winning the lottery, becoming a celebrity, or getting rock hard abs.

But when people reflect about what makes them happy, it’s the simple stuff. The activities you can do today or this weekend, not some unspecified time in the future.

With some changes, your “perfect day” can be a reality that you get to experience regularly.