How To Make Recovery Simple

One of the things I hear most from potential clients is how overwhelming recovery can feel.

“There are just so many things I feel like I have to be doing” 

“It’s like recovery’s a full-time job. Is this how it should be?”

“I’m so confused. I keep getting all this conflicting advice”

“I have moments of feeling hopeful, but mostly I feel lost and like I’m doing it all wrong”

So often recovery feels like walking in a thick fog. And this place of uncertainty isn’t conducive to recovery as it leads to second-guessing and stop-starting.

The good news is that there is a solution. While recovery isn’t easy, it can be simplified. Would you like to know where to be putting your focus? Would you like to understand why things are improving or why things are heading in the wrong direction? Well, you’re in luck. 

Today on the blog I want to share one of the frameworks that I use when working with clients. It helps make the recovery journey as simple as it can be and I call it the Simplifying Success Framework ™.

Every aspect of recovery is connected to three pillars. We can think of these as the three pillars of recovery. These pillars are interconnected and have a knock-on effect on each other. Let me go through each of them.

State

The first pillar is called State. There are several aspects to state but collectively it’s about the physiological state that the body is in at this specific moment. 

And while it is about this moment, it’s largely connected to what has happened before this moment. Either seconds before this moment or days, weeks, months, years or decades before this moment.

Let me go through the main ways that state is impacted. 

The energy balance of the body. Eating disorders, irrespective of which eating disorder we are talking about, have restriction at their core. The body has been getting less energy than it needs.

An analogy I often use with this is to think of energy debt, much like you would any other debt. The body has been spending more than has been coming in. And depending on how much extra spending and for how long this has gone on, will determine the level of debt.

This debt creates a couple of changes to your state. 

The first is determining the level of recovery or healing that is needed to move forward. Due to insufficient energy coming in, the body had to turn down and turn off certain functions. It had to reduce the usual repair that it does.

I like the metaphor of a manor house that needs restoration. The level of restoration required affects the quality of experience of living in the current manor house.

The second factor connected to the debt is the different symptoms that are arising. The vast majority of symptoms that occur with an eating disorder are about malnourishment. Because symptoms arise when the body isn’t getting what it needs to run its various systems. This was exquisitely demonstrated in the Minnesota Starvation Experiment.  

You’re cold

You have trouble sleeping (getting to sleep, staying asleep, night sweats, nightmares)

Your digestion is a mess

Your period has stopped

Your hair is falling out

You injured yourself and it’s taking forever to heal

You’re exhausted 

These symptoms (and many others) are connected to this low energy state and the debt that has accrued. 

Polyvagal Theory

The final way that state is affected is linked to the nervous system, specifically the autonomic nervous system. This is the part of the nervous system that automatically regulates processes including heart rate, blood pressure, respiration, digestion, sweat production and sexual arousal (amongst others).

Polyvagal theory is something that has a clunky name but is simply brilliant. It looks at how the nervous system affects our experience of the world. I go into more detail about it here and here, but let me give a very simplified version.

It’s easiest to think of the autonomic nervous system as a ladder.

At the top of the ladder is “safe and social”. In this state, to quote Deb Dana: “Our heart rate is regulated, our breath is full, we take in the faces of friends, and we can tune in to conversations and tune out distracting noises. We see the “big picture” and connect to the world and the people in it.”

Moving down the ladder, we enter into “flight and fight”. This is a defensive state and the body is on the lookout for cues of danger, rather than cues of safety. To quote Dana: “In this state, our heart rate speeds up, our breath is short and shallow, we scan our environment looking for danger—we are “on the move.” 

Moving to the bottom of the ladder, we enter into “shutdown”. This is also a defensive state and again you’re more acutely attuned to cues of danger instead of safety. To quote Dana: “Here at the very bottom of the autonomic ladder, I am alone with my despair and escape into not knowing, not feeling, almost a sense of not being. I might describe myself as hopeless, abandoned, foggy, too tired to think or act and the world as empty, dead, and dark.”

So these are all the areas that make up the pillar of state.

Story

The next pillar is Story. Included in this pillar are:

The endless thoughts that your mind is generating every moment of the day.

The beliefs that you have about yourself, other people, the world around you, etc.

The meaning that you attach to certain events.

This category of “stories” we can think of as cognitions and it can include thoughts, beliefs, narratives, ideas, attitudes, assumptions, opinions, judgments, rules and more.

I should add that the word “story” doesn’t mean that something is made up. It may or may not be true. But all thoughts, irrespective of their content, fall into this bracket of story.

Also included in the story pillar are emotions and sensations. These are physical manifestations of a story.

Let’s use fear as an example. When the emotion of fear arises, there can be thoughts or cognitions connected to it. But as an emotion, it creates changes to your physiology and can be felt in the body. 

You may feel a tightening of your chest.

You may feel warmth on your face or your neck.

Your palms may become sweaty.

So, the category of story is about the messaging we are getting from the body, which can come in the form of thoughts and physical sensations.

Now, you may have noticed that there is an overlap here between story and state. Because if there is an emotion or sensation that arises, this is impacting not just the cognitions that arise but affects the physiology and the autonomic nervous system. 

As I said at the start, each of these pillars is interconnected and they knock on to each other. 

Structure

The final pillar is Structure.

This pillar is all about what your day looks like:

What time do you wake up

When do you eat your meals across the day

What work do you do and what’s your connection to this work

What movement/exercise did you do

What social connections did you experience

What other activities did you do: journaling, meditation, colouring, singing, dancing, etc.

If we were to film you across 24 hours, what would we see?

So often we go through life on autopilot. Or even if we are aware we are doing a certain task or behaviour, we do so because this is the way we always do it. And even when you are aware that you want to be doing something differently, you may find that you still keep to your previous way of doing things. 

So those are the three pillars of recovery: state, story and structure. Now there is something that then holds this all together. It determines whether recovery is occurring, whether change is stagnant, or whether things are getting worse.

Positive and Committed Action

What determines whether recovery is happening is if you are taking positive or committed action.

It’s very common for someone to unknowingly slide into an eating disorder. You go on a diet and, with time, the number of foods that are removed has increased. You start exercising and, over time, this increases. All of this is done under the guise of “being healthy.” 

But at some point, you realise that what started as “just a diet” and felt innocuous has now morphed into a full-blown eating disorder.

Unfortunately, recovery doesn’t happy in the same way.

No one dabbles their way to recovery.

No one accidentally recovers.

Recovery is about taking action again and again. And it’s about taking committed action even when it feels hard or scary. 

Avoidance 

The opposite of positive and committed action is avoidance. This is what has driven the eating disorder up until now, and doing more of it will deliver more of the same.

As I talk about here and here, eating disorders are anxiety disorders. And what all anxiety disorders have in common is that they are about avoidance. Avoidance of uncomfortable thoughts and feelings that arise when doing or not doing something.

Avoidance begets avoidance; the more avoidance occurs, the more challenging it becomes to do the opposite.

So what is the gold standard for all anxiety disorders? Exposure. Or in more common everyday language: taking positive and committed action.

Making Recovery Simple

As I mentioned at the start, it’s so easy to be overwhelmed by recovery. But let me explain how this framework can help you to understand if things are moving in the right direction.

You wake up and you’re feeling tired and bloated [state]. This week you’ve been working on increasing your breakfast and you’ve added a bagel with peanut butter and banana to your usual breakfast [structure].

But today you don’t feel great. You are feeling uncomfortable in your body and if you were to label this feeling it is fear [story]. There are also all these thoughts circulating in your head [story], like:

This is a bad idea, I knew I shouldn’t do this

I’ve only been eating this additional breakfast for three days and look at the weight gain! What will it be like in a full week? Or a month? What am I doing?

We’ve worked so hard to be fit and now I’m throwing it away

There’s got to be a different way

This doesn’t feel right, I must be doing something wrong

At this point, you now have a choice. You can continue to take committed action by having the added breakfast. Or you can skip the new breakfast and practice avoidance.

Let’s assume you take committed action and have the added breakfast [structure]. By doing so, this extra energy helps to support your body [state]. You may notice that you have slightly better energy and can focus a little more [state].

It has an impact on the kinds of thoughts and feelings that arise [story]. Maybe there are some positive changes and you feel proud and accomplished for continuing with recovery [story]. Or maybe it leads to intense feelings of regret and lots of rumination on what you’ve just done [story]. But irrespective of what happens with the story, more energy has come in and is supporting the body [state].

Let’s now look at what happens if you don’t take action, but instead avoid having the extra breakfast [structure].

The body misses out on the energy it needs to get through the day and do repair work [state]. 

By avoiding the extra breakfast, maybe there is some temporary relief from the anxiety and worry of having this added food [story]. But equally, you can feel upset and disappointed in yourself that you didn’t do what you know you need to do to recover [story].

In both scenarios, there are likely some uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. Some of these you may be more used to experiencing because you’ve been doing avoidance for a long time. Or others that you aren’t so used to experiencing because taking action is new.

So, the reality is that neither choice led to what would be described as ease (well at least not in the beginning). There are unpleasant thoughts and feelings and you may be doing things that feel uncomfortable.

But where things differ is that only one of these options is actually moving you towards recovery. Taking committed action is helping you bring in more energy for the body

It’s also helping you learn how to experience discomfort and still take committed action rather than avoidance.

Other Ways The Framework Is Useful

This framework also helps you see where the stumbling block may be.

For example, certain thoughts and feelings arose [story] and it made you question whether to have the added breakfast [structure]. You tried to reason with yourself why you should take action but it felt like there was always this other more valid reason to hold off. After an hour of trying to think yourself into it, you decided against having the added breakfast [avoidance], rationalising that it will be time for a snack soon anyway [structure].

In this example, the stumbling block was trying to convince yourself. As I say to clients all the time “You don’t think your way into acting differently, you act your way into thinking differently’. Or as a client came up with “I take action first and then deal with the thoughts and feelings that arise”.  

It can also help with figuring out goals in recovery.

For example, someone wants to create a goal of increasing their food intake and is thinking about adding a couple of extra carrot sticks to their lunch or an apple as a snack. 

In this instance, this would be altering their current eating [structure]. It would also be taking action while dealing with uncomfortable thoughts and feelings [story]. 

But in real terms, the extra energy that this is going to bring in is negligible [state]. So for all the extra anxiety and effort this change could take, even if someone does do it, there is little upside and physical benefit. This means this isn’t a good goal to focus on and so you’d go back and come up with something else, that will have a more meaningful impact on your state (something I cover in more detail here). 

Would You Like Help?

The Simplifying Success Framework™ is powerful and is at the centre of everything I do. It’s applicable whether you’re just starting recovery or you’re well on your way but are still feeling stuck. Recovery isn’t easy, but it can be much more straightforward than it may be feeling right now.

I’m a leading expert and advocate for full recovery. I’ve been working with clients for over 15 years and understand what needs to happen to recover.

I truly believe that you can reach a place where the eating disorder is a thing of the past and I want to help you get there. If you want to fully recover and drastically increase the quality of your life, I’d love to help.

Want to get a FREE online course created specifically for those wanting full recovery? Discover the first 5 steps to take in your eating disorder recovery. This course shows you how to take action and the exact step-by-step process. To get instant access, click the button below.