Episode 278: I'm sharing a solo episode this week and I'm covering six crucial areas in recovery. If you are trying to recover, these are ideas you want to be aware of.
For a limited time, I’m taking on new clients. If you want to work together you can click here or send an email to info@seven-health.com with the subject line COACHING.
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Chris Sandel: Welcome to Episode 278 of Real Health Radio. You can find the show notes and the links talked about as part of this episode at www.seven-health.com/278.
Hey, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of Real Health Radio. I’m your host, Chris Sandel. I’m a nutritionist and a coach, and I help clients to fully recover.
Before we get started with today’s show, I want to mention that I’m currently taking on new clients. My passion is helping clients reach a point of full recovery, even if the eating disorder has been present for decades. This is a lot of the people that I work with – people who’ve been really struggling and entrenched with an eating disorder for a really long time.
It goes without saying, but eating disorders create many problems. There are physical symptoms that arise because of it and because of the malnourishment that happens due to restriction with eating disorders. There’s digestive issues, there’s feeling cold, osteoporosis or osteopenia, periods ceasing, anaemia, hair falling out, frequent urination day and night, various sleep issues, reduction in concentration and ability to focus or even just to sit down and read a book.
There are psychological problems that occur. There’s fears about certain foods, fears about weight gain or taking time out for exercise, the increased rigidity and obsessional thinking. But I think the most important impact is the impact on the quality of life, the isolation and disconnection that it causes, the lack of freedom that you have to truly do what you want to do, the constant fear and anxiety that isn’t just about food but infiltrates all aspects of life.
Yes, eating disorders can be a solution to many of life’s problems. It can give a sense of control, a way to avoid uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. But it’s a solution that comes with a lot of downsides. It makes life much smaller, and it’s often a solution that started many, many years ago when you were much younger and is no longer serving you in the way that it once was, and that you want to change, even if there is fear and ambivalence about what it means.
I truly believe in full recovery, and it’s what I help clients to achieve – improving their physical health and seeing changes that they thought were impossible. For example, I recently had a client who had her period return after 20 years, something she didn’t believe was possible. I then had a client tell me on the call when she heard me talking about this how much this started to shift things in her mind.
Or changes in psychology and beliefs – learning ways to sit with uncomfortable thoughts and feelings and seeing that you are able to tolerate this and still make choices that are in alignment with your values and the life that you truly want to live, where you can be present with your partner or with your kids in a way that you haven’t been able to, where you’re able to set boundaries, even if it feels uncomfortable, to get back precious time that the eating disorder is costing you and taking from you each and every day, to feel powerful and excited about the new life and what is possible.
If you want to experience these changes in your life, I would love to help. Please send an email to info@seven-health.com with the subject line ‘Coaching’, and I can send over further details and we can have a recovery strategy call. It’s likely that this will be the last time that I take on new clients for this year, so if you want this, then please get in contact. The email address, again, is info@seven-health.com.
Today on the show, it is a solo episode. It is the most important aspects or parts of recovery. This is going to be a more informal solo episode. Typically when I do a solo episode, it’s a real deep dive into a topic; I spend a lot of time doing research, taking lots of notes, putting it all together before I hit record. I think there is a time and a place for those episodes, and I also know that that then creates a constraint and has made it harder for me to do solo episodes.
What I’m wanting to do is change that. I want to be in a situation where I can really have an idea, jot down a couple notes, and then just turn on the microphone and start recording a solo episode. It might not be as polished as some of my other ones, but it means that I can get out content that I think is helpful and valuable and that you get to hear that. It could be coming from experiences that I’ve had with clients or issues that are coming up with clients that I think would be really great to be able to share. It could be a single idea that I have, so the episode could be much shorter. But I want to be able to start creating much more of these solo episodes where it isn’t a really huge project, an undertaking that I take in terms of doing a ton of research; I really, as I said, just turn on the microphone and then just get started.
With this topic today, the most important parts of recovery, there are 6 items that I want to talk about and mention. These for me are the things that really make the difference. When I reflect on the clients that I’ve worked with and the people who make the biggest difference and who get to that place of full recovery, these are the things they did or occurred through recovery to make that happen.
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The first important part is taking committed action. Taking action really is at the heart of recovery and getting to a place of being fully recovered because I do think that, unfortunately, people can slide their way into an eating disorder. They can unknowingly find their way into an eating disorder. You go on a diet and over time, this morphs and there’s more restriction that starts occurring, there’s more foods that are being cut out, there is more of an increase in terms of exercise. There’s all of these little tiny breadcrumbs of steps that, over time, morph into an eating disorder, and someone suddenly wakes up and finds themselves in a place where they’re like, “Wow, I thought I had control over this thing and I really don’t have control over this thing. I thought that this was about my health and I’m really seeing that this is not about my health and my health has truly deteriorated by going down this path.” It can take a long while for that recognition to be there, and this is very common. They innocuously walk themselves into having an eating disorder.
The reality is that that does not happen in the opposite direction. No one accidentally recovers. No one meanders their way to recovery. Recovery is about taking action and taking committed action and doing it again and again, and it’s about taking action even when it is hard to do, even when it feels uncomfortable, even when I don’t feel like doing this today or in this moment. It’s continuing to take action. And often, it is then deciding that in advance and saying, “Okay, this is going to be my goal for the next week. I said I was going to make this change, so when it comes time to take that action, I’m going to do this thing. I don’t want to do this thing in this moment; it feels uncomfortable, I’m feeling all these things come up in my body, I’m noticing all of these thoughts, and I’m still going to do take this action.”
I really believe – and I’ve talked about this on the show before, I’ve written about it – that eating disorders are anxiety disorders. Eating disorders are about avoidance. They’re about avoidance of uncomfortable thoughts, uncomfortable feelings, doing things or not doing things to then take care of those uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. It becomes a very vicious cycle. But eating disorders are about avoidance. The way to get over eating disorders is doing the opposite of avoidance, which is taking committed action.
So the first and really most important part of recovery is taking action, because if action isn’t being taken, then nothing is going to change. And if nothing changes, nothing changes. Committed action can look like lots of different things. This is often what I work on with clients – what is going to be the goal at the moment? What is the most important thing to help you in this moment or at this point? We then work it in that kind of piecemeal fashion, where we’re not trying to change everything overnight. That’s unlikely to be successful. It’s focusing on picking one thing to focus on and then doing that thing, and then picking the next thing and the next thing. But it is taking that action and doing it on a regular and committed basis. So that is the first part of recovery that is important.
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The next piece is nutritional rehabilitation. Eating disorders and the symptoms that arise because of it – and symptoms here can mean the physical symptoms, the psychological symptoms, the behaviours – so much of it is connected to being in a malnourished state, and the body not getting the energy that it needs to be able to function properly, and that then having an impact on all of the various systems within the body.
So nutritional rehabilitation really is the foundational piece in terms of recovery. It’s the thing that allows symptoms to improve, but it’s the thing that also allows new behaviours and new thoughts and new beliefs to really stick. If someone is in a malnourished state, then trying to do all of the psychological work or to pass out different thoughts or all of these different things that can be useful at different points doesn’t really work very well because of the state, and the nutritional state, that someone’s in.
With this piece of nutritional rehabilitation, I will also add that this isn’t only important if you are living in a stereotypical malnourished body. This isn’t only important just because it’s for people who are obviously emaciated and obviously look like they have an eating disorder. You can be malnourished at all sizes across the weight spectrum. So this is important irrespective of what your BMI is, irrespective of what the number on scale says. You can be malnourished, and nutritional rehabilitation is at the heart of recovery.
Part of it as well, as I’ve touched on, is because of the brain and how important that is in terms of recovery. When you’re in a malnourished state, it starts to affect the brain, and it affects the brain in terms of the actual brain regions and deteriorates the actual brain tissue, but it affects the brain in terms of the mind and the kinds of thoughts that are more likely to occur to someone. So having this more energy come in is really important as part of this.
It’s not just more energy coming in; it’s also reducing the energy output that is occurring, so exercise and movement is a really big piece connected to nutritional rehabilitation. This also means evaluating how you define those things, because so often for clients, they’ll say, “I barely exercise anymore,” and yet they are walking a ton, or they’re not walking a ton but they’re spending a lot of their time cleaning the house or doing other low-level activities that are using up energy that could otherwise be used towards recovery. So it’s not just looking at the ‘energy in’ component; it’s also looking at the ‘energy out’ component and being really honest with oneself about how much energy is being used.
Even just the simple act of standing. I have clients who will realise, “I’m standing for a great deal of my day”. That is going to be having an impact here. So nutritional rehabilitation really is the first line in terms of recovery. I don’t agree with all aspects of going to inpatient treatment, and I think there’s a lot of things that are done wrong in those settings, but one of the things that is very much focused on at those kind of settings is nutritional rehabilitation. It’s getting food in. It’s saying, “These are your set meals, this is when you’ll be having your food, this is a non-negotiable, you have to sit down and eat this.” I don’t know if this is the case everywhere, but that’s the case at some places, and really focusing on this nutritional rehabilitation piece.
Where I think most of the inpatient facilities go wrong on this front is they set really low weights in terms of determining if someone is recovered. If someone just enters into the healthy BMI range, it’s like, “Great, we’ve done nutritional rehabilitation. Now you just need to do maintenance.” That I 100% totally disagree with. I do think that nutritional rehabilitation is important; it’s not that your weight then determines either “Do I need to do nutritional rehabilitation or am I now rehabilitated?” This is based on the kind of symptoms that you’re having. And again, this could be the physical symptoms you’re having, this could be the kinds of thoughts you’re having connected to food or movement or what we would think of as eating disorder thoughts. These will start to repair and change as you do nutritional rehabilitation, so this should be the guide as to “am I there yet?”
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The next piece that I want to mention is building resilience and psychological flexibility. This really ties into the comment that I made earlier on about taking committed action even if there are uncomfortable thoughts and feelings that arise. So much of eating disorder recovery is really about learning how to tolerate difficult thoughts and feelings and sensations. Previously, the way of dealing with this has been avoidance versus what needs to happen in recovery: “How do I sit with these feelings that come up?” And when I say sit with these feelings, it doesn’t actually mean you have to just sit with these feelings, but it means, “How am I able to learn ways of tolerating these being here?”
For me, I use a lot of acceptance and commitment therapy. I think it can be a really great tool here and has many different exercises that you can do to help. Part of why I think it’s so helpful is a lot of what acceptance and commitment therapy is about is, “How do I create distance between myself and my thoughts?” So recognising that I am not my thoughts. Just because I had a thought, does not necessarily mean that it is true; it doesn’t necessarily mean it is a belief of mine. It doesn’t say anything about my identity or what I value. It is just a thought. Thoughts arise, they come into your consciousness, and then what do you do with that thought?
The technique is about how you create that distance between yourself and your thoughts so that you can recognise thoughts as just thoughts, and that they’re not thought of as “This means something really important, this is something that I have thought”, etc.
Also, part of acceptance and commitment therapy is creating room for difficult emotions, recognising that difficult emotions are going to come up. And this is true as part of recovery, but it’s true as being a human being. Our experiences and our life are going to create lots of pain, and it’s going to create lots of uncomfortable situations and events, sensations, and feelings that arise. Learning how to create room for those feelings, learning how to tolerate them as opposed to all of this resistance connected to them or this feeling of “I have to do something to try and have this feeling go away” is teaching you, “How do I sit with that feeling? How can I continue to get on with what I was going to do while that feeling is still around? I don’t have to make it go away for me to continue on with my life or continue to take some action. I’m able to have this feeling be here and still take this action.”
It also teaches you how to be in the present moment. So much of the pain is going into our heads and thinking about the past, thinking about the future, thinking about expectations, thinking about different rules, all of these different thoughts and cognitions that really get in the way. So how can we come back into the present moment so that those thoughts can still be there, those sensations can still be there, and I’m also in touch with my environment, I’m in touch with the things I have in my room around me, I’m in touch with all of my senses in terms of what I can see, what I can hear, what I can smell, etc., to bring you back into the present so that you’re not being hooked by the thoughts and feelings.
This is so much of the work that I do with clients: how are they able to build up this resilience and this psychological flexibility? Recovery is really the ultimate test of this, and the ultimate way of learning how to do this, because you’re going to be confronted with this day in and day out as you go through recovery. You’re going to be confronted with this when you’re trying to increase your food intake or to eat a food that is scary or to take time off exercise. There are going to be these feelings that come up.
So it’s learning how to use these skills, and the learning piece is through the taking committed action. You take the committed action and then deal with the feelings and what comes up connected to that as opposed to doing more of the avoidance and then still having uncomfortable feelings and sensations, but where you haven’t got any recovery upside from those uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. So building resilience and psychological flexibility is another important part or aspect of recovery.
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Another piece is values, and this is something that I go through with all clients and we really tap into, because I do think that values are like our North Star. The thing with values is you get to choose your values. You get to choose, “What do I say is important? What am I saying is valuable?”
I’ll often have clients go through – you can find them online – lists of values, and look at, what are the values that are important to you? Or even, what are the values that would be important for someone in recovery? What values do I think would be helpful if I’m wanting to recover? In a sense, you can kind of reverse engineer this. If I say that I want to recover, what would be some of the values that someone may have that would help in this way?
The reason why I think this is important is that so much of recovery is mundane. It’s tedious. It’s not particularly exciting. And it can be very easy for those little actions to be completely detached, where, “Does it really matter whether I have this extra breakfast?” or “Does it really matter if I have this rest day that I said I was going to have?” Those tiny actions can seem somewhat inconsequential when they’re viewed about just as that action, but when they’re connected to something much bigger in terms of your values or your meaning or purpose or where you want to get to in recovery, what can seem like something small and insignificant can actually make a really big difference.
This is something I’ve found with many clients. It’s some of the comments I’ve had from the participants in the programme that I’m running. What they have found is that when they just focus on “What is my goal for this week?”, it doesn’t have much weight. It seems really detached, and it feels like “What do I get out of this? I just don’t understand why I need to focus on this thing” versus when it is connected to something that is much bigger than this. So “I really want to be more present with my child” or “I really want to be in a situation where I can go out to dinner with family and it’s an enjoyable experience” or whatever it may be.
When that can then be connected to why some small goal is happening, that means that you’re viewing it in a different way, and that small action then seems a lot bigger than just a small action. So I really do think that values and meaning and purpose and priorities and all of this can be really helpful as part of recovery. And when that’s missing, it can feel like, “I don’t really get the point, I don’t really see why this is important”, and you get lost in the weeds and the tiny details as opposed to understanding the bigger picture.
I heard something recently that I really like, which is “Keep hold of your vision, not your view” – this meaning that the vision is the longer term where you’re wanting to get to with recovery versus the view is what you’re viewing in this very tiny moment, the sort of thoughts that are getting stuck in your way, the obstacles that feel challenging in this tiny moment but in the whole scheme of things, if I’m thinking about my true vision, I can find a way around it. So I think this idea of holding on to my vision, not my view can be helpful in terms of this area with values.
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The next piece is then self-compassion. Self-compassion is really crucial for recovery. I think it’s crucial as a human being to have a good quality of life, but it is especially important as part of recovery. Kristin Neff is someone who’s done a ton of research around self-compassion – probably the most of really anyone around this topic, and she talks about self-compassion being about three main things.
One is that self-compassion is self-kindness versus self-judgment, so it’s how we be kind with ourselves, even in moments when we realise that we did something that we wish we hadn’t done or said something that we wish we hadn’t said or showed up in a way that was not in alignment with the kind of person that we want to be. It’s, how can we treat ourselves with kindness in these moments?
And it doesn’t mean that you don’t or can’t hold yourself accountable. You can realise, “I messed up in that moment. I wish I’d done better. How can I make amends? How can I do better?” So you can 100% do that. But when you’re asking yourself those questions and when you’re making amends or doing something different, you’re doing it from a place of self-kindness, and you’re doing it from a place where you’re treating yourself well.
The second piece is common humanity versus isolation. The part with this is that life is suffering. We are all going to make mistakes. We are all going to have flaws. We are all going to have areas that we wish we were better at. Rather than this creating a situation where we hide out or isolate from those things, it’s realising it is common as part of being human to have these aspects, to have these experiences. So when we are having a difficult time, rather than isolating, it’s remembering this is a very normal, human experience. This is what should happen as being a human being. We should have challenges. Rather than isolating, can we reach out to other people? Or what do we need to do to really deal with this situation as opposed to avoiding it?
The final piece then is mindfulness versus overidentification. What this is about is really seeing things as they actually are. The alternative to that is either minimising something, so pretending it’s not a big deal or pretending it’s not something when it really is, really minimising or avoiding certain thoughts or feelings that are truly there – or the opposite of that is the overblowing of these things, becoming so identified with the situation that it gets blown well out of proportion, and you become enmeshed with all of these thoughts and feelings, and it really hooks you and pulls you in a not great direction.
This part is then, how am I able to be aware of what is going on? How am I able to notice these thoughts and feelings, but notice it from a point of objectivity, noticing it from a point, again, where there’s this kindness, where there’s this common humanity? But really, in terms of a mindfulness practice, being much more neutral about what you’re noticing.
So those are the three parts of self-compassion, and they’re really important as part of recovery because recovery is going to bring up lots of unhelpful thoughts and feelings. It’s also going to bring up lots of uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. There are going to be things that you do that you wish you didn’t do or vice versa. So it’s really important to be learning self-compassion.
And I really do think that self-compassion is a practice. It’s not something that you either have or you don’t have; it’s something that can be learned. But like any skill, it’s something that needs to be practiced, and if you’re someone who has regularly practiced being kind to oneself, who’s regularly practicing seeing the common humanity, who is able to be mindful, this is going to be helpful.
A lot of research as well looking at the important of self-compassion and recovery, how important it is – and I actually talked about this in an interview that I did with Josie Geller, and I’ll link to that in the show notes – but what she found – they looked at the Fears of Compassion Scale. The Fears of Compassion Scale is a scale that’s been devised, and you can find it online. Again, I’ll link to it in the show notes and you can do it yourself if you want. There’s a whole host of questions, and there’s three categories. One’s looking at your level of compassion for other people, your ability to receive compassion from other people, and your ability to show self-compassion to yourself.
What Josie Geller found as part of the research with this was that there are two areas where people struggle with self-compassion. This was connected a lot to people with eating disorders and being in recovery. One of the areas is what was labelled as ‘meeting standards’. This is a fear of self-compassion because “I’m going to lose my achievement”, “I’m going to look like I’m weak or I’m flawed and people are going to see this”. It’s connected to perfectionism. This then gets in the way, often, of people even getting started with recovery, because if I’m so worried about this meeting standards piece, then it’s so hard to just get started.
The other piece is emotional vulnerability. This is how they categorised this bracket of questions and area. This is when looking at someone’s guardedness or their reluctance of connecting with emotions, so connecting with grief or connecting with emptiness or unworthiness. What they found with this one is that if there is this emotional vulnerability piece and this fear connected to that, and someone’s unwilling to learn how to use self-compassion in these moments, then this is going to have an impact on their long-term success of recovery.
So self-compassion is something that I focus a lot on with clients. It’s often where I start, and we come back to it again and again because it is such a crucial part of reaching full recovery.
00:31:46
The next and final thing that I want to mention is the non-food aspects of recovery, or the non-eating disorder or what we would typically think of as eating disorder aspects of recovery.
When people are thinking about recovery from an eating disorder, there’s so much of a focus on it’s about food, it’s about exercise, it’s about body image. There are all these stereotypical ideas of what is important as part of recovery – and a lot of those are true. Those are areas that get worked on as part of recovery. But there’s a lot of other areas that don’t come to mind in terms of what’s really important in recovery.
I put a lot of these things down as well to the avoidance piece. The avoidance that happens with food or with stopping exercise or things that we think of as connected to an eating disorder also happen in other ways. The avoidance of having difficult conversations. The avoidance of setting boundaries. The avoidance of having a conversation about certain family dynamics and certain things that are going on within the household. These are really important as part of recovery.
This is something that in some ways can be thought about as later on in recovery, but I don’t necessarily think that that is true. So often, when I can see that these things are happening at the same time as the other, more food/exercise stuff, I think the better.
I’m thinking of a number of conversations that I’ve had with clients recently where they’ve talked about the fact that they’ve had a really challenging conversation with their mom or their dad about the way that they speak about food, or the way that their parent is with food, and how that can be triggering for them – and that actually, they don’t want to have conversations about food with their parents, and they really want to set this boundary.
It can be also in terms of understanding your temperament or understanding what your needs are – discovering that, “Actually, I’m highly sensitive. I need to prioritise self-care in a different way to other people. Maybe I do need more downtime than the average person, or maybe I do need more of this or that thing”, and being okay with that. Having this acceptance piece connected to this, and doing the things that you need to do to really take care of yourself.
It’s being your authentic self. So often, for clients, they’ve been living a façade. People think of them a certain way, or they’re so concerned about how people will perceive them that they do certain things or act in certain ways, but actually it’s not who they authentically are. So how can they start to show up more as who they are? How can they find people in their life who already accept them this way and spend more time with those kind of people? How can they end relationships or spend less time with people who, when they reflect on it, aren’t in alignment with who they are and how they want to be?
It can be connected to people’s relationship with work and what work means for someone. Is work some way that you’re doing avoidance because there’s all this busyness going on with work, or work is how you’re getting your sense of self and validation and all of these other things? So looking at work.
It can be looking at money, it can be looking at sex. It can be lots of different aspects that show up. What I find so often is that the eating disorder has tentacles that make their way into all aspects of life. So often, you can get past the food piece or the exercise piece or the things that we think of as the eating disorder, and then it is showing up in some other ways in your life.
So it’s really understanding how this has morphed or how this has got its tentacles into all of these different areas so that I can start to make changes, and make changes so that this thing doesn’t come back – so that I don’t relapse, because actually, yes, I’ve stopped doing stuff with food, but I then just changed it into workaholism. I think this often happens, and it happens more often than people talk about: eating disorders then morph into something else.
And again, as I said, I think eating disorders are about avoidance, and you can in some ways learn to trade one form of avoidance for another. So you get over the food piece, but then you start doing it in other ways. So I think this non-food part of recovery is a really important piece; I think it’s one of the pieces that is often less talked about with recovery content.
00:37:21
Why I’m wanting to go through all of these areas is because for so many people, they get stuck in a place of quasi-recovery – a place where things are better than they were, but then not great. It can be hard to see that they’re not great because things are relative, and if things were a lot worse and now they’ve improved, in comparison it feels so much better, and if you’ve been stuck in this kind of a place for many decades, it can be hard to remember how good things could be. Or maybe you never really experienced how good things could be because of your childhood or because of this developing at an age where you were still a teenager and you didn’t have a chance to have things change and get to experience what it was like when things were better.
So much of what I’m wanting to work on with clients is, how do we not have them get stuck in this place of quasi-recovered or ‘recovered enough’ or things are better than they were before, but yet the quality of life really isn’t there? I often talk about you were previously living at a 1 out of 10; you’re now living at a 2 out of 10. By comparison, this feels much better, but you’re still at a 2 out of 10, and one of the unfortunate parts of an eating disorder is it really clouds your awareness of how much you’re being impacted upon by this thing. Your 2 out of 10 doesn’t feel like a 2 out of 10 because this is just what you’re used to. This is what you acclimatised to.
Helping people to see that there is something better – and this seeing something better is normally by experiencing something better, because I can tell someone all of this information, but they don’t truly believe it until it happens. And the amount of times that clients have the experience of like, “Wow, I just didn’t grasp how much this was having an impact on me until this thing got better” – I will often say when there is that comment, you are still not maxed out where this is going. Yes, things have drastically improved and it’s great, and there is still much more on the horizon. There is much more to improve here.
I don’t want people getting stuck in quasi-recovery and being in that place where “I’m passing, no-one’s on my case anymore, no-one knows that I have an eating disorder anymore, no-one’s really picking up on it anymore, so I’m able to fly under the radar. I’m able to keep up this façade of things being good, or good enough” but the reality is, behind closed doors, it’s not, and you really know that.
So that is it for this week’s episode. I hope you found it helpful. I will be interested to hear any feedback that you have. As I said, this is me just talking off the cuff. I’ve got a couple of notes, but it was just me wanting to turn on the mic and see what came out.
As I mentioned at the top, I’ve opened my practice again to new clients. If you want to reach a place of full recovery and really see a complete change in the quality of your life, I would love to help. You can send an email to info@seven-health.com with the subject line of ‘Coaching’ and I can then send out further details of us arranging a free strategy call to talk about your recovery. This was likely to be the last time that I take on new clients this year, so if you want this, if you want to get better, please get in contact. The email address, again, is info@seven-health.com.
I’ll be back next week with another episode. Until then, take care, and I’ll catch you soon.
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Brilliant! Nailed it Chris! Particularly great was the discussion of eating disorders as diseases of avoidance. So interesting! And those pathways the brain developed to avoid discomfort are myriad, not only around food/restriction/exercise, but may have been fired/wired alongside the ED. So it all comes out during recovery! Which is why we feel so “overwhelmed”, because everything we have been avoiding for years is now at the surface….. I think talking off the cuff really works for you. Way to take your own advice and challenge perfectionism ❤️