Life Beyond An Eating Disorder

Whenever I’m going to record a podcast with a guest, I do a load of prep work. While the conversations are up to two hours long, I have material for us to cover that stretches way beyond this time scale.

I recently spoke with Johanna Kandel for Real Health Radio.

Johanna had a decade-long battle with various eating disorders. In October 2000 she set up The Alliance for Eating Disorders Awareness (now known as the National Alliance for Eating Disorders). It has brought information and awareness about eating disorders to hundreds of thousands of individuals. She is also the author of the book Life Beyond An Eating Disorder.

So, to say that Johanna knows what she is talking about when it comes to eating disorders is an understatement.

While there were many things that we didn’t get to cover, there are three areas that stand out for me. And I want to cover them as part of this week’s blog post.

(If you haven’t already listened to my podcast with Johanna, then I highly suggest that you do so. Much of the topics covered, including the ones I’m going to touch on in this post, come from ideas in Johanna’s book Life Beyond An Eating Disorder. Which again, I’d highly recommend checking out.)

Having An Eating Disorder Free Zone

An eating disorder can be all engulfing. It can become so intertwined with many (or most) aspects of life that it’s hard to see or experience life separate from it. 

And this can also be true of recovery. The process of recovery comes to dictate so many thoughts, actions and conversations. It can become part of your identity and how you think about yourself.

Now, recovery is important and does need to take up some level of thought and planning. You may be having sessions with a therapist, nutritionist, support groups or whoever is part of your team. You may talk about recovery with your partner, family, and/or friends.

But you also need time when thoughts and conversations about recovery are put to the side. In her book, Johanna recommends creating space for an eating disorder free zone.  To demonstrate to yourself that not only are you more than your eating disorder, but you are also more than your recovery.

To quote Johanna “Go out with friends who are not intimately involved with your recovery. Go to the movie or the mall. Make plans to go to the zoo, a butterfly garden, an arts-and-crafts class or even a play. Talk about anything except your recovery and your eating disorder. If you live with your parents, a roommate or a spouse/significant other, make sure to schedule some time out that has nothing to do with your treatment or recovery process.” 

I completely agree with this advice.

A client of mine recently had her father pass away. There are many reasons that this has been challenging outside of the grief of the loss – family drama, bureaucracy with the will, and a mother who is also ill.   

She commented that she had been spending time with new friends who don’t know about any of this. She wanted to have time that was about enjoyment where her loss wasn’t the focal point and topic of conversation.

Now, it’s not that when out with these new friends, there can’t be moments when thoughts about her father arise and she is hit with a wave of grief. This will also be true in eating disorder recovery. But she is attempting to have time that is solely about fun, enjoyment and connection and doing this the best she can.

The advice for an eating disorder free zone also holds true for loved ones who are caring for someone with an eating disorder. They need space outside of the recovery of a loved one for their own mental and emotional health. To also see that their life isn’t ruled and defined by the eating disorder.

Even with something exciting, there is some threshold where you need a break. You can be thrilled about planning your wedding or a once-in-a-lifetime holiday, buying a new house or doing the interior design for the place you live in, or even setting up a new business.

But with all of these, you need time outside of them to have a break. And the same is true with recovery. 

So, if you are in recovery or are the loved one caring for someone in recovery, come up with some ideas of how you could create your own eating disorder free times and experiences.

What Would You Do If You Weren’t Afraid?

Regularly when running workshops Johanna will pose this thought experiment: If a genie appeared and told you for one day that you would have no fear, what would you do? Some of the responses that come back are:

I’d take more risks

I’d use my voice

I’d take care of myself

I would allow myself to dream

I would nourish myself

I would tell myself I was worth it

I would do what I really wanted to do

I would stand up for myself

I would believe in myself 

When I read through the above responses, what stands out most is how possible these things are. No one’s saying that want to climb on the outside of the Empire State Building, it’s much more practical than this. 

Yes, the desire to believe in yourself or to take care of yourself may seem incredibly scary or in stark contrast to how you are currently living, but none of these ideas are truly off-limits.

I have a question on my client intake form that says “Describe your perfect day. Where are you? What do you do? Who do you do it with?” And what I have found is something similar to Johanna’s exercise. Descriptions of enjoyable days that are all within the realm of possibility.

People aren’t talking about flying in a private jet to stay at Sir Richard Branson’s Necker Island. They are talking about hanging out with friends or family and spending time being present with these people and doing activities they enjoy (or used to enjoy, before the eating disorder started getting in the way). 

So, take a moment now (or once you’ve finished reading this article) to ask yourself: What are you most afraid of and what would you do if you had no fear for even one day? Create a list of all the things you would do if you weren’t afraid.

Now, the list is going to have some things that feel huge and completely undoable at this point. But also, others that are scary and yet you could imagine yourself being able to do so, even if it is uncomfortable.

Pick one and start there. It will be anxiety-provoking and challenging AND you’ll also discover that you can do it. As I talk about in this article, avoidance makes the anxiety grow, while exposure helps it to decrease…or at the very least, to realise you can do it and increases your resilience.

This list of things you would do if you weren’t afraid can be a living document; one that you continue to add to as more ideas come to mind. Because it’s amazing how constraining an eating disorder can be and once you start doing more, you realise how much more your life could be.

The Many Incarnations Of An Eating Disorder

One of the topics Johanna and I did cover during our conversation was how much an eating disorder gets its tentacles into so many aspects of life. So, you work on your recovery and no longer struggle with food but now have a troubling relationship with alcohol or workaholism or shopping.

Eating disorders emerge for many reasons and one of these reasons is a way of coping. So, when the restriction of food is removed as a coping mechanism, this coping will crop up in other ways. Some of these will be intentional and will be considered constructive, while others will initially fly under the radar but will contain less-than-ideal destructive elements. 

In her book, Johanna talks about discovering shapewear: “a one-piece, elasticized item marketed itself as every woman’s secret weapon. It promised to slim and flatter your body in whatever you were wearing and seemed to make every figure flaw disappear.”

At the point of the shapewear discovery, Johanna was well into her recovery. She bought it intending to wear it only on special occasions under a dress. But as time went on, she went from owning one shapewear garment to many. And it went from being worn on only special occasions, to being worn every day and at all times when she left the house.

The shapewear was now providing the role that the eating disorder had previously – it helped her feel hidden, secure and in control. It became her body armour and she was addicted to wearing it.

Eventually, she realised what was going on and through the support of her therapist, partner and sister-in-law was able to break free from the shapewear and stop wearing them.

And what she realised was how much of a fake security blanket the shapewear was. Just like the eating disorder had been. In the beginning both the shapewear and eating disorder “made me feel safe, in control and protected from life…but as I sank further into my disease and continued to wrap that “security blanket” around me, what had once been comfort actually turned into suffocation.”

The first step to change is awareness. Even if at first it doesn’t lead to change, you become aware that there is a cost associated with keeping up this behaviour. That what you thought of as supportive isn’t so benevolent and altruistic.  

As humans, we are all highly irrational. But we come up with reasons and justifications for why we are right or why something isn’t such a big deal.

We can all benefit from striving for a dispassionate assessment of a situation. And this is especially true in recovery, as the eating disorder shifts and takes on other forms.   

Want Help?

One topic that Johanna and I discussed was the importance of getting support in recovery. Recovery is never quick and it comes with many ups and downs. While there are those exceptions who do manage to recover on their own, they truly are the exceptions.

Whether you’re just starting your recovery or you’ve been making progress but know you need more support, I’d love to help. (The National Alliance for Eating Disorders is also an incredible resource.)

I’m a leading expert and advocate for full recovery. I’ve been working with clients for over 15 years and understand what needs to happen to recover.

I truly believe that you can reach a place where the eating disorder is a thing of the past and I want to help you get there. If you want to fully recover and drastically increase the quality of your life, I’d love to help.

Want to get a FREE online course created specifically for those wanting full recovery? Discover the first 5 steps to take in your eating disorder recovery. This course shows you how to take action and the exact step-by-step process. To get instant access, click the button below.