Over the years, I’ve noticed a particular belief that many of my clients have. And I can only imagine just how many people never even seek help because of this belief.

What I’m talking about is the belief that they aren’t sick enough. Maybe these thoughts sound familiar to you:

“Yes, I may have some issues, but it’s not that bad.”   

“Others have it way worse than me.”

“I don’t think I’m sick enough to require help.”

This is a fairly common problem in the eating disorder and disordered eating space.

One reason I see it come up, especially with the clients I see, is that their issues often fall under the bracket of being “atypical”. That means that their symptoms and behaviours don’t line up exactly with the diagnostic criteria or cultural stereotypes of specific eating disorders. Let me give you a few examples:

They are in the “normal” BMI range. 

This alone leads many sufferers to believe that their issues don’t really count, and that it’s only serious if somebody is underweight.

They exercise 7 days a week.

Even if exercise has turned into a compulsive, rigid habit that impairs their health and quality of life, they dismiss their pain, because everyone seems to say that exercise is healthy.

They still get their period.

There is a percentage of eating disorder sufferers who never lose their period, even at their sickest point, or their lowest weight. Many of them take the fact that they still menstruate as proof that their body must be working just fine.

They eat “lots” of food.

Most of them consume the majority of their intake in the evening, and most of them eat “significant” amounts of food. And since they often believe that a person with a “real“ problem doesn’t eat that much (or anything at all), it’s easy for them to think that things are still ok.

They experience “binges.”

Instead of recognising that their eating is driven by the accumulated energy deficiency they’re in, they blame themselves for a lack of willpower, or they think “I’m probably just an emotional eater and really need to get this under control.”

They’ve previously been at a much worse place.

Especially if a person once was hospitalised or at an inpatient treatment place, it is easy for them to think that, since things are better now, the ongoing suffering isn’t that big a deal.

They hate their body.

In a world that promotes unrealistic beauty standards, lacks representation of diverse bodies, it’s not a big stretch to believe that it’s become almost “normal” for people to dislike their bodies. Sadly, especially people with eating disorders think that it’s just their fate to have to fight and/or hate their body. (Spoiler: It‘s not.)

Comparison keeps people stuck

People often tend to discount what they are going through because they keep comparing themselves to the people at the most extreme ends of the spectrum. Some even compare themselves to their own former self, back when they were at their worst. That goes for most addictions or other mental health issues, but it is especially true for eating disorders. 

Needless to say that the stereotypical depiction of this disease (“the emaciated girl“) compounds this unfortunate effect.

All of this typically means that, no matter how bad things are, you‘ll always find someone who seems worse off than you, and so you keep telling yourself “Surely, I am not sick enough.”

(Interestingly, and this is anecdotal, the clients who are asking me this question are typically much further at the extreme ends of things. 

This makes me think that it’s the energy deficiency itself that causes a physiological change in brain functioning. Which, in turn, triggers the “I’m not sick enough” thoughts. It’s as if a starving brain is causing a lack of awareness, to not allow the person to think they‘re too sick to keep on fighting for survival. As I cover in this podcast, this is what the research suggests.)

In any case, the thought “I’m not sick enough” often prevents people from asking for help. So I started thinking about ways to get around this. 

First of all, the most obvious question to ask yourself is “am I well enough?” This can make crystal clear how much the eating disorder is impairing your life and wellbeing. 

Another trick is to make this question of “am I sick enough?” a moot point altogether. The simplest way is to ask “why” instead of wondering “if”. In other words: Why do humans seek out support?

Athletes have coaches

Pick whatever sport you want and find the people who are the best in the world. Arguably, these people would be the least in need of help. They are already winning tournaments, hold world records, and have been playing their chosen sport for decades. And yet, these are exactly the people who have coaches. 

They are as successful as they are because of the help, support and coaching they get.

If I were to ask Serena Williams, Maria Sharapova, or Roger Federer why they have a coach I imagine the answer would be something like  “because I want to be better”.

Musicians have coaches

I’m a huge music fan and regularly watch documentaries about bands or artists.

I remember watching the documentary Rush: Beyond the Lighted Stage about the band Rush. They are a band that I had never listened to growing up, but I’d heard so many people talk about with religious fervour that I decided to check it out. 

As part of the documentary, they interviewed other musicians that were Rush fans. And what kept being repeated was how technically gifted each of the band members is. That their songs were incredibly difficult to learn because of the intricacies involved.

The band’s drummer is Neil Peart. He’s regarded as one of the best drummers of all time. When interviewed, he talked about how, at the beginning of his career, he mostly learned from other great drummers, but that for him, the game changer was taking on a coach. Midway through his career, he brought in drum coach Freddie Gruber, and, under his tutelage, Neil drastically changed his style of drumming.

Why? Because he wanted to be better.

If you want to be better, ask for help

Whatever the field, you‘ll find that people who are at the top of their game typically have a coach or a mentor. Someone who is continuously helping them to improve where they are today. The support and the coaching is what makes the greats great.

All of this points towards the fact that the question “am I sick enough” isn’t the right question to be asking. The real question should be “would I like things to be better?”

Would you like worries about food and your body to take up less space in your life?

Would you like certain systems (like digestion or reproduction) to work better than they do currently?

Would you like to feel less anxious about eating and whether you’ve picked the “healthiest” meal?

Would you like to have exercise be something that is fun rather than a compulsion?

Would you like to feel more comfortable around eating, especially in social situations?

Would you like more from your life, but your relationship with your body and food is standing in the way?

If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then you should get help. It’s not about being sick enough, it’s about wanting something better for yourself.

It’s great that more people are opening up about their struggles. The way mental health issues are being discussed nowadays just wasn’t possible 5 or 10 years ago. However, if this leads to you comparing yourself to others who are talking about their struggles and normalising them in a way that means you don’t change anything, then this is obviously a problem. So instead of focusing on this, simply ask yourself “do I want things to be better than how they currently are?”

Whatever it may be, if there’s a feeling that you would like things to improve, irrespective of your starting point, then, by all means, get help to make this happen.